"I beat my daughter because she's not a boy." Who are domestic tyrants and how can you stop them?

Why do loved ones turn into tyrants, and the home ceases to be a fortress? Our correspondent went on a raid on families who know this firsthand.
A quarrel began with an argument
. We went on a raid on domestic tyrants not only with the Sovetsky District Police Department's police officers, Senior Lieutenants Artem But-Gusaim and Andrey Pikta, and student volunteers from BNTU, Pavel Loiko and Vitaly Rutskoy, but also with DOCTOR Anna Rutik. Her presence is essential, in case any of the victims need help.
The first address is in a new building. Before entering the apartment, the police officers put on bulletproof vests and attach dashcams—a person prone to domestic violence can behave unpredictably.
The apartment's owners appear polite. But last October, the HEAD of the family, while drunk, lashed out with obscene language at his mother-in-law, who was visiting. The argument began with a dispute over which was healthier: sushi or homemade soup. The result was a call to 911, a complaint from the wife for causing mental suffering to her mother, a COURT hearing , and a fine.
"Now the man is afraid to have an extra drink and attends all preventative measures," explains district police inspector Andrei Pikta. "Even after a single call to us, the person is placed on a special watch list. This special monitoring lasts for a year, unless there is a relapse. If there is a repeat offense, the time limit starts over. Being on the watch list disciplines the troublemaker, since he understands how things can end. it seems the family is now taking the situation with a grain of SALT. However, this doesn't negate the constant monitoring." Andrei Pikta tells the couple that the "Home Without Violence" campaign is constantly held in Belarus and hands the woman a leaflet. It explains what to do if the situation repeats.
"Domestic offenses and conflicts are latent." "They are very difficult to identify until the victim reports the incident themselves," Andrei Pikta explains to the couple. "There is a crisis room in MINSK where victims can stay for free and receive legal, social, and psychological assistance. The phone number is in the notice.
'Mom, go away!'
The second address is an apartment practically in the very center of Minsk. A mother and her pre-retirement son, who is unemployed, live there. The spacious Stalin-era building is so smoky it makes your eyes water.
The owner of the apartment, a former sailor, assures that he no longer argues with his mother. But the local police officers clarify: it was the pensioner who called the police on her son, who was arguing last night.
"I won't say we don't argue, but there is no physical violence," the woman says. "But every day they say: 'Mom, give me money !' And what do I give her? I received my pension today, and I have to pay 30 rubles right away for my mobile phone service, and another 35 for the phone itself. My son got it on credit ."without asking, and his mother pays. He smokes - we have to buy him cigarettes. It comes out to more than 200 rubles a month...
- Mom, stop it! - the man shouts. - Go, get out of here!
Later, the local police officers will explain: the wayward son was sent to LTP six times, once for two years. But if this measure helps many to come to their senses, get a working profession and start living anew, then this is not the case.
- He walks around and drinks 200 grams. And this is four times a day, - the woman continues to complain.
While the local police inspectors convince the man to at least not smoke in bed, we ask the doctor what is the reason for his behavior.
- It's a psychological addiction , - answers Anna Rutik. - Now the man takes it every dayALCOHOL , can't stop. If he stops, withdrawal will set in.
Troublemakers are called in for preventative talks once a week. This way, the person understands they're under control and tries to control themselves. Although even this doesn't work for some.
"One of the modern measures against domestic abusers is a protective order requiring them to leave the common area for 3-15 days, or up to 30 in special cases. Even if he's the owner and the victim isn't the wife, but, for example, a cohabitant," explains Artem But-Gusaim. "In the event of reconciliation, the order is revoked. Violations are punishable by a fine or administrative arrest.
" The district police officer notes that there's no universal method for combating domestic violence yet, butThe police continue to fight it with all available means. There's just one important nuance: victims are in no hurry to air their dirty laundry in public. Locked within four walls, victims of beatings and insults remain silent for a long time. Sometimes until a tragic end. What violence leads to?
We say goodbye to our families and leave the apartment. The cheerful owner doesn't fit the image of a domestic tyrant. Are they all like that?
"No," assures district police officer Artem But-Gusaim. "There are situations when victims flee to crisis rooms, the addresses of which are carefully hidden from the hapless spouses. Once, we took a mother and child there, and the troublemaker ended up in pretrial detention. He returned home drunk from work and beat his wife and daughter. He frightened the woman so much that she shied away at the slightest movement of his hand. The reason for the domestic despot's anger? His wife gave birth to a girl, and he wanted a son."
The district police officer notes that each case requires a detailed analysis. Therefore, police interview both parties to the conflict, learn their personalities, talk to neighbors, and review call histories. They are also crucial to determine whether the victim is in a dependent position, as victims sometimes refuse to file a report for fear of ending up homeless because their husband owns the home or supports the family.
Student volunteers believe that the main cause of domestic violence is excessive alcohol consumption.
"There are also psychological issues," explains Pavel Loiko.
"Domestic violence often has its roots in childhood," says Vitaly Rutsky. "A boy might have been beaten back then, and as an adult, he compensates for these complexes within his family. Or he might have seen his father hit his mother. It all lingers in the subconscious."
Based on the results of an investigation into a domestic violence report, the perpetrator faces either administrative arrest for up to 15 days in a detention center for offenders, community service, or a fine of up to 10 basic units.
Most often, domestic violence cases are reported to the police by the victim; only occasionally by neighbors.
Alexey Gorbunov, photos courtesy of the Sovietsky District Department of Internal Affairs in Minsk, "7 Days."